Blah

Fallout 3

2008-10-31T18:03:50Z

Holy Shit.

krylo @ 2008-07-18T18:47:00

2008-07-18T23:47:42Z

Plurk

2008-07-15T03:30:50Z

Because I use this pretty often and never use LJ.

Fuck You.

2008-04-23T08:32:03Z

I am angry all the time.

krylo @ 2008-01-09T06:34:00

2008-01-09T12:35:15Z

Today was really tiring.

I got out of bed really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.

I feel a bit strange because we've just moved to Idaho and there's a weird smell in the house.

I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.

Last night I had to go and pay Joshua's bail. He's such a jerk. He got arrested for punching the Walmart clerk in the face for refusing to sell him beer. He's only 16!

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Powered by Rum and Monkey

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

2007-05-17T04:13:52Z

Stupidest reason for waking up all pissy ever.

So this morning I'm having this dream, right? I don't even remember what it was about, really, but there was this guy from work there. Name's Jim. He's a picky son of a bitch. Everything has to be just so, and he always has something to complain about. Luckily, he's in another department. Anyway, we have this big ass cheese pizza, and it's just dripping cheese. It looked absolutely delicious, but he's wastin' time complaining about something so I don't get to eat it right away. I just really want this damn pizza.

So, finally, I grab a piece, and it's heavy with cheese, drooping over at the end, and I'm just about to put it in my mouth and the damn alarm goes off.

Pissed me right off.

I wanted my fucking dream pizza.

...Put me in a bad mood for most of the day.

Penis.

2007-05-11T04:03:44Z

Blah blah blah, can't explain it unless someone asks, yada yada.

It's a fuckin' meme thing. You've seen it before.

Taken a picture naked? Yes.
Made out with a member of the same sex? No.
Danced in front of your mirror? Yes.
Told a lie? Yes.
Gotten in a car with people you just met? No.
Been in a fist fight? Yes.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes.
Been arrested? No.
Left your house without telling your parents? Yes.
Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes.
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes.
Seen someone die? No.
Kissed a picture? No.
Slept in until 3? Yes.
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? No.
Played dress up? Yes.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes.
Felt an earthquake? No.
Touched a snake? Yes.
Ran a red light? Yes.
Had detention? Yes.
Been in a car accident? Yes.
Pole danced? No.
Been lost? Yes.
Sang karaoke? No.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? No.
Sang in the shower? Yes.
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? No.
Ever gone to school partially naked? No.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.
Played chicken? No.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No.
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes.
Broken a bone? Yes.
Mooned/flashed someone? Yes.
Forgotten someone's name? Yes.
Slept naked? Yes.
Blacked out from drinking? No.
Played a prank on someone? Yes.
Felt like killing someone? Yes.
Made a parent cry? Yes.
Cried over someone? Yes.
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? Yes.
Had/Have a dog? Yes.
Been in a band? No.
Drank 25 sodas in a day? Yes.
Shot a gun? Yes.

Go to hell.

2007-03-29T06:36:39Z

That is all.

krylo @ 2006-12-08T17:29:00

2006-12-08T22:29:18Z

This year:

1 Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships?
How the hell do you have more than one, maybe two, serious relationships in one year? Honestly, people, if your relationship lasted under two months and it took you under a week to get a new one going (as would have to happen to get six, ergo, more than five), they were NOT FUCKING SERIOUS. Goddamn sluts.

2. Have you had your birthday?
Yes. However, it's not too late to get me presents.

3. Been to church?
YOUR GOD IS A LIE!

4. cried?
I generally cry a few times a year. I'm just a sensitive guy like that.

5. Gotten Stoned?
Not quite. Workin' on it.

6. Pulled an all nighter?
When don't I?

7. Drank Starbucks?
FUCK YOUR YUPPIE GRANDE LATTE BULLSHIT, MOTHERFUCKERS! Also: no, no I have not.

8. Been shopping?
No. In fact, I've not left my house at all this year. Not once. Outside there are bad things... so many bad things...

9. Been camping?
FUCK NATURE!

10. Been to the beach?
Yes. Then I had sex. Later that week. Hah, made you think I had beach sex!

11. Bought something for over $/£200?
Like... three days ago.

12. Met someone?
If ANYONE can get through an entire year without meeting anyone, well... shit, I don't even know. That's pretty fuckin' amazing, but in a really goddamn pathetic way. I mean, seriously, what?

13. Been out of Your Town?
Multiple times a week.

14. Gone Snowboarding?
FUCK YOUR BOARD BASED X-TREME RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES! GODDAMN KIDS!

[[Have you...]]

1. Hugged someone?
If by hugged you mean 'raped violently and then killed' then y... er... no. But I have hugged people. Like, normally. Yes.

2.Slept in someone elses bed?
Multiple times a month.

3. Snuck someone over?
I do not sneak anyone anywhere. I proudly proclaim my intents to molest, ravage, and otherwise sexually excite any peoples I so choose, and if anyone has a problem with it they can talk to my good friend knuckles, who lives on the BACK OF MY HAND!

4.snuck out of your own house?
See above, except reword the first sentence as appropriate.

5. Gotten drunk?
FUCK YOUR ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!

6. Pulled anyone?
...Is this like, jacking someone off or something? What? If so... no. I use my mouth. Wink wink.

7. Gotten a car?
Nope. I already had one.

8. Gone over your mobile phone bill?
I don't even HAVE a fuckin' mobile phone you goddamn stupid shit!

9. Been called a whore?
Definately.

10. Drove somewhere?
I've driven many places.

11. Done something you regret?
I REGRET NOZING!

[[Lasts...]]

Last Thing you bought?
A present for someone.

Last Person you hugged?
I dunno... I genuinely hug rather rarely.

Last Person to call you?
Couple of ex-coworkers.

When was the last time you felt stupid?
Why should I feel stupid when I'm never wrong?

Who did you last yell at?
I never really yell at anyone, thus, I can't remember.

01. Hometown:
Hibbin'

02.Natural hair color?
Dark brown.

03. Shoe Size?
Don't know and too lazy to check.

04. Hair style:
Long and pretty.

05. Eye color:
Hazel.

6. Height:
5'8"

7. Pets?
Four cats, four dogs, three ferrets.

08. Mood?
AWESOME! d(^^d)

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE -

01. Have you ever been in love?
Yes.

2. Do you believe in love:
That really depends upon how you're defining love. Do I believe in a series of neurons firing in the brain near certain people releasing 'feel-good' chemicals and inducing a sense of euphoria? Yes. Do I belive that these neurons fire around people who are compatible with your personality type? Yes. Do I believe in the spiritual power of love and it's ability to conquer all and all that other sappiness... well I'm not sure.

04. Have you ever been heartbroken:
A broken heart never fully heals, so I guess you could say that I still am.

05. Have you ever broken someone's heart:
Perhaps. I hope not. But truthfully, I more than likely have, thanks to my less than admirable past.

06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
Um... no?

07. Have you ever loved someone but never told them:
I may be a coward, but I'm not that cowardly.

08. Are you afraid of commitment?:
Yes and no. I'm not so much afraid of commitment as I am simply cognizant of the fact that I'm not ready to 'settle down' yet, and thus any commitment I make, in a relationship capacity, is merely something I'm waiting to end so I can go back to being a bachelor. However, someday, after I've slept with an asian school girl, an eighteen year old hottie, a senorita or two, a nubian goddess, an irish firebrand, and whatever else, well then, sure.

09: Would you ever date one of your exes?
I've never broken up on bad terms, so sure.

10. Have you ever had a secret admirer
I wouldn't know.

TEN THINGS -

01. Love or lust:
Lust, for now.

03. Night or day:
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!

04. One night stands or relationships?
...Let's get dangerous...ly sexy.

05. Tv or internet:
Well, one has intern in it, and I hear they give pretty good blowjobs.

06. Pepsi or Coke?
Fuck you.

07. Fun night out or romantic night in:
Whichever ends in the most penis on orifice action.

08. Black or white?
Why not both? But no talking. Mmm... silent movies.

TEN EMOTIONS

01. Are you missing someone right now?
I never miss. ...Pretend I said that like James Bond.

02. Are you happy?
AWESOME d(^^d)

03. Are you talking to anyone right now:
FUCK YOU AND YOUR VERBAL CONVERSATION! BACK IN MY DAY WE WROTE IN THE DIRT WITH STICKS! AND WE WERE GODDAMN HAPPY TO DO IT, TOO! GODDAMN KIDS AND YOUR NEW FANGLED SPEECH!

04. Are you eating:
I'll eat your mom! Just like last night! OOOOOH! BURNED!

06. Are you Irish:
I probably have some irish in me... and I wish red-headed guys didn't always look so goofy so I could make that into a sexual innuendo.

07. Are you French:
I probably have some irish in me... and I w... you know what? Fuck it. I HAD SOME FRENCH IN MY LAST NIGHT!

08. Are you Italian?
Listen, I'm a fucking mutt. Knock it the fuck off with this shit. Who the hell cares, anyway?

09. Are you Puerto Rican?
SERIOUSLY! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

10. Are your parents still married?
No. Thank god.

11. Do you like LOVE someone right now?
...FUCK YOU!

krylo @ 2006-12-01T02:28:00

2006-12-01T07:28:39Z

krylo @ 2006-11-08T02:05:00

2006-11-08T07:05:55Z

I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts.

That is all.

Eerily accurate...

2006-09-09T21:12:12Z

...Especially if you check the full report.

My Personality


Neuroticism	10
Extraversion	25
Openness To Experience	65
Agreeableness	49
Conscientiousness	5

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

Bebo, MySpace Codes and MySpace Layouts by Pulseware Survey Software

krylo @ 2006-07-31T19:00:00

2006-08-01T00:04:46Z

If You Ruled the Land . . . by wackyweasel

Your first name:

How you gained your rule:

Your title is:

You Sexy Thang

Your symbol is:

a blue dragon - cool and slick, oh yeah, just like you

You rule from:

a mountaintop mansion

At your side is:

your faithful little pet dragon, Smidgeon

Your enforcers, troops, and guards are all:

NINJAS!!!

Your most popular law is:

"National Pajamas Day"

Your least popular law is:

Stupidity is banned

Your worst enemy is:

um, the peasants you oppress?

Your popularity rating is:: 75%

Your chance of being overthrown is:: 31%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Everyone else is doing it.

2006-07-04T07:09:33Z

[ ] 1) Smoked weed or cigs.
[ ] 2) Consumed alcohol.
[x] 3) Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] 4) Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
[x] 5) Made out with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] 6) Made out with someone of the same sex.
[x] 7) Had someone in your room of the opposite sex.
[x] 8) Watched porn.
[x] 9) Bought porn.
[ ] 10) Done drugs.

TOTAL: 8

[x] 11) Taken pain killers. (How is taking pain killers bad? At all? Is feeling pain somehow noble? The hell? Plus, isn't this test a bad ass test? Badasses don't need pain killers, they kill pain through sheer bad assitude!)
[ ] 12) Taken someone elses prescription medicine.
[x] 13) Lied to your parents.
[x] 14) Lied to a friend.
[x] 15) Snuck out of the house.
[x] 16) Done something illegal.
[ ] 17) Cut yourself. (No. But I'll cut you, bitch.)
[x] 18) Hurt someone.
[x] 19) Wished someone to die.
[ ] 20) Seen someone die.

TOTAL: 7

[x] 21) Missed curfew.
[x] 22) Stayed out all night.
[x] 23) Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. (Ice cream is delicious)
[ ] 24) Been to a therapist. (Again, how is this 'bad' or 'rebellious'? Wouldn't actually going be ANTI-rebellious?)
[ ] 25) Been to rehab.
[ ] 26) Dyed your hair.
[ ] 27) Recieved a ticket.
[ ] 28) Been in a wreck. (My car was run over by a semi. I wasn't in it. I don't think that counts.)
[ ] 29) Been to a club.

TOTAL: 3

[ ] 31) Been to a wild party. (One time, I was in mexico and I spent all my money on booze so I cou... no wait, that's Funka. He has ALL the good ones.)
[ ] 32) Seen the Mardi Gras.
[ ] 34) Had a summer break in Florida.
[ ] 35) Sniffed anything. (Do panties count?)
[ ] 36) Wore black nail polish.
[ ] 37) Wore arm bands.
[x] 38) Wore t-shirts with band names. (Who hasn't at some point?)
[x] 39) Listened to rap. (See above.)
[ ] 40) Own a 50 cent cd.

TOTAL: 2

[ ] 41) Dressed gothic.
[ ] 42) Dressed prep.
[x] 43) Dressed punk.
[x] 44) Dressed grunge.
[x] 45) Stole something. (Virginity counts, right?)
[ ] 46) Been too drunk to remember anything.
[ ] 47) Blacked out.
[ ] 48) Fainted.
[x] 49) Had a crush on your neighbor.
[x] 50) Had someone sneak into your room.

TOTAL: 5

[x] 51) Snuck into someone else's room.
[x] 52) Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] 53) Been to a concert.
[x] 54) Dry humped someone. (Dry humping is just silly, not 'bad' or 'rebellious'.
[x] 55) Been called a slut.
[x] 56) Called someone a slut.
[ ] 57) Installed speakers in your car.
[ ] 58) Broke a mirror.
[x] 59) Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
[ ] 60) Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush.

TOTAL: 6

[ ] 61) Consider Ludacris your favorite rapper.
[x] 62) Seen an R rated movie in theaters.
[x] 63) Cruised the mall.
[x] 64) Skipped school.
[ ] 65) Had an eating disorder.
[x] 66) Had an injury.
[ ] 67) Gone to court.
[ ] 68) Walked out of a resteraunt without paying.
[x] 69) Caught something on fire.
[x] 70) Lied about your age.

TOTAL: 6

[ ] 71) Owned an apartment.
[ ] 72) Cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend.
[x] 73) Been cheated on.
[ ] 74) Got in trouble with the police.
[x] 75) Talked to a stranger.
[ ] 76) Hugged a stranger.
[ ] 77) Kissed a stranger.
[ ] 78) Rode in the car with a stranger.
[ ] 79) Been sexually harassed.
[ ] 80) Been verbally harassed.

TOTAL: 2

[x] 81) Met face to face with someone you met online.
[x] 82) Stayed online for 12 hours straight.
[x] 83) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight.
[x] 84) Watched TV for 12 hours straight.
[x] 85) Been to a fair.
[x] 86) Been called a bad influence.
[x] 87) Cursed.
[x] 88) Prank called someone.
[x] 89) Laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] 90) Cheated on a test.

TOTAL: 10 (Has anyone NOT done all ten?)

[x] 91) Cheated on homework.
[x] 92) Recieved/given a handjob. (Handjobs suck. I will not accept anymore. Stop trying. Use your mouth, your pussy, or your ass. Anything else I can do better myself, goddamnit.)
[x] 93) Been pushed into a pool.
[x] 94) Played pool.
[ ] 95) Watched 5 hours of mtv straight.
[ ] 96) Had a crush on someone 10 years older than you.
[x] 97) Had a crush on someone younger than you.
[x] 98) Wore eyeliner.
[x] 99) Skinny dipped.
[x] 100) Laughed at someone who was seriously hurt.

TOTAL: 8

>>>>>TOTAL: 57<<<<<

10-20= Goodie good
21-30= A little rebellious
31-40= Getting hot baby
41-50= Rebel
51-60= Total bad girl/boy
61-70= Bitch
71-80= cant believe you made it this far
81-90= Bad ass
91-100= See you in Hell!

Well that was dumb.

Also, to the idi...err people, on my friend's list. See how I used LJ-cut for this? LEARN TO FUCKING USE LJ-CUT!

krylo @ 2006-03-05T19:25:00

2006-03-06T01:24:28Z

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Poise	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Leadership	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Provocativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Self-Disclosure	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Talkativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Group Attachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	51%
Understanding	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Pleasantness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Tenderness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Nurturance	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	59%
Conscientiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Efficiency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Purposefulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Organization	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Rationality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Planning	\|\|\|	10%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Happiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Moderation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Toughness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Impulse Control	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Imperturbability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Cool-headedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Tranquility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Ingenuity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Reflection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Quickness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Creativity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Depth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	72%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	38%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	50%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	58%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	78%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	70%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	66%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	46%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	30%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	30%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	74%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	70%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	42%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	74%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	62%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	42%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	62%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	50%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	62%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	54%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	22%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	54%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	34%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	70%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	34%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	66%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	38%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	10%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	90%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	78%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	82%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	58%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	86%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	74%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	82%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	74%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	62%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	82%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	70%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	54%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	78%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	66%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	82%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	78%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	70%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	70%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I took this test awhile back, and posted it here http://krylo.livejournal.com/17011.html

krylo @ 2006-03-04T22:57:00

2006-03-05T04:55:41Z

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) What is batgirl39's favorite game? Hide the weasel
2) What flavor of jello would elmer_j be? One which is jiggly.
3) If anjette were hanging off a cliff, what would link_is_dead do? Probably offer his assistance in exchange for sex.
4) What exotic animal would sinnymun like as a pet? A man slave.
5) If chicago_lollie commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? The color orange.
6) How long have you known incubine? Fuck if I know.
7) How would funka_genocide kill sinnymun? With a gun and a bleeding heart.
8) Is melficesilesia athletic? Probably not. The loser.
9) How tall is atronflame? Tall enough to be sexy.
10) Would atronflame go out with tarageneric? Only if he likes hot geeky chicks... so... yes.
11) Have you flirted with anjette? Probably... although I don't remember it.
12) Is lilymage friends with batgirl39? Yes.
13) If starlitsyaoran took over the world, who would be happy? Her. Maybe.
14) Does sinnymun smoke? I... can't remember.
15) What would sejik think of akichan? Probably something related to massive breasts.
16) What planet should batgirl39 be from? Earth.
17) Would you make out with link_is_dead? Would I have a choice?
18) Do you have a crush on jess? Not particularily.
19) Would you ever date melficesilesia? Fuck no.
20) What would you do if you found out philbeta has a crush on you? Fuck his ass. Hard.
21) Does incubine do drugs? Nope.
22) Does sejik have a big secret? Probably.
23) What song/movie would you recommend to anjette? Memento.
24) How would sejik conquer the world? With violence.
25) Is incubine single? Last I checked.
26) Is sillykittykat_ related to elmin_amaur? No.
27) incubine's eye color? Brown, I think.
28) Would you set up anjette and akichan? ...Only if I get to watch. That'd be fucking hot.
29) Are _jamanda_ and elmer_j going steady? HAH ahahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hahahaahaha...ha...haha... no.
30) What languages does elmer_j speak? English.
31) How long would pixistik01 dating celesjessa last? ...I think they're both straight, but, again, fucking hot.
32) Does rain_conspiracy have a crush on lilymage? He doesn't even KNOW her. Stupid Test.
33) link_is_dead's hair color? It looked dark brown last time I saw it.
34) What do you disagree with sillykittykat_ about? Whether she should consent to sex with me. On her next birthday.
35) One thing you can't stand about incubine? ...Nothing comes to mind.
36) What is anjette's favorite food? No clue.
37) Does celesjessa go to your school? I don't even GO to school. How would that even be POSSIBLE!? Stupid fucking test.
38) If rain_conspiracy and andame were spliced together, what would it be like? ...Might end up being half-way normal.
39) Is lilymage popular? No. ... ... maybe a little.
40) What is sillykittykat_'s favorite band/artist? I'm not sure. I know she like's Home by Breaking Benjamin, though.
41) Is chicago_lollie a nerd? ...Probably.
42) What would you do if sillykittykat_ died? Have sex with the corpse.
43) What video game does kalisphoenix remind you of? I don't know why, but gold digger.
44) Would you wrestle atronflame in jello? ...Yes.
45) What rank would jess have in a giant robot army? Holy Pope of Robo-God
46) If andame had a superpower, what would it be? ...Something super, no doubt.
47) What word best describes akichan? Emo.
48) What comic book character would chicago_lollie be? I don't read comics. Stupid books with pictures.
49) What animal does atronflame remind you of? A cat.
50) Does sejik travel a lot? Not that I know of.
51) Does rain_conspiracy know tarageneric? No.
52) Is sailornothing a college student? No
53) What color should sillykittykat_ dye their hair? Red.
54) How many monkeys could funka_genocide fight at once and win against? Does he get a gun?
55) Would _jamanda_ and sailornothing make a good couple? No, but, yet again, fucking hot.
56) What would elmer_j give akichan for his/her birthday? Nothing. They don't know each other.
57) If batgirl39 and anjette were siamese twins, where would they be joined? Left ass cheek.
58) What do you agree with _jamanda_ about? Nothing comes to mind.
59) When did you last call incubine? Never.
60) Is sailornothing your best friend? No.
61) Is _jamanda_ related to you? No.
62) Is anjette introverted or extroverted? She seems somewhat extroverted, but it's hard to tell online.
63) Is _jamanda_ dead sexy? Close enough.
64) Where would sillykittykat_ most like to visit? Someplace interesting.
65) Which of your friends should anjette go out with? None of them.
66) Would celesjessa and anjette look good together? Fuck yes. What is it with this test and the hot lesbian match ups anyway?
67) Has rain_conspiracy dyed their hair? Yes.
68) Have you ever dated kalisphoenix? No.
69) Where did you first meet philbeta? NPF.
70) Do you have batgirl39's screenname? Yes.
71) Where was kalisphoenix born? No clue.
72) Has philbeta been to your house/dorm? Nope.
73) What would jess do differently in your shoes? Everything. Absolutely everything.
74) Does tarageneric drink? I believe so.
75) If tarageneric and philbeta were spliced together, what would be its name? Taragenbeta. Obviously.
76) What animal should sinnymun be combined with? Cat.
77) Are sejik and sinnymun going out? Nope.
78) One quality you find attractive in kalisphoenix? He has an interesting mind/personality.
79) Is jess an emo? Nope.
80) Is chicago_lollie a high school student? Nope.
81) Is atronflame 1337? Sure. Why not?
82) Would batgirl39 be a better ninja or pirate? Ninja.
83) Could you see incubine and jess together? I can now. And I'm probably going to wank to it later.
84) Which president would funka_genocide be likely to idolize? None of them.
85) Did link_is_dead break up with you? No.
86) Thoughts on rain_conspiracy? Nope.
87) What is sinnymun's biggest flaw? Probably the whole sex addiction thing.
88) If anjette took over the world, who would suffer? Her enemies.
89) What is rain_conspiracy's favorite movie? I don't know.
90) Are silentwayfarer and tarageneric married? Hell no.
91) What is lilymage's shoe size? Meh.
92) Do you think lilymage is hot? She can be, when she wants to be.
93) What is link_is_dead allergic to? Nothing that i know of.
94) What is jess's favorite color? If I had to guess, I'd say pink.
95) Does sillykittykat_ have a dog? She... did...
96) Is sailornothing in a relationship? Yes.
97) Where was chicago_lollie born? Australia, probably.
98) Do incubine and kalisphoenix go to the same school? Nope.
99) If sailornothing was a superhero, who would be his/her archnemesis? Captain Happy.
100) What mental disorder does sejik remind you of? All of them.

I had a Dream

2006-03-02T07:55:17Z

I keep having this dream. It isn't every night, or even every other night, more like it resurfaces once every couple of years.

It's a strange dream. I can always remember it when I have it. Usually I don't remember any dreams, so I suppose the fact that I do remember this one makes it strange all in of it self.

Of course, it changes, but only in small ways. Some things are different, but those things are taken from my life and transposed onto this dream world. It's obviously not naturally done so, because my memories of places and things change for the dream.

This time my dream started at work. It seemed normal enough, past the distortion of view that dreams always have. No one had a face, but that was normal because it was a dream. The entire world seemed cracked or distorted, but, that, again, was normal for a dream. It was different when I looked at the daily schedule to see where I worked that day. Normally we have one schedule and it's about half full of people. In my dream there was a full schedule and another half a sheet of paper filled out.

I remember thinking that was strange, but I had been gone for six days, so maybe they had just hired more people?

Then the scenery changed, as it often does in dreams. Quickly I was in the office where they keep the walkie talkies, which we use to communicate with the other employees, and I had already grabbed mine. I turned and headed out of the small side room and into the office proper, only to find that there was an extra room where a small hallway used to be. It was probably about the size of the largest office room, but more rectangular in shape.

Off to the side, taking up most of the room was a table and around it a bunch of people were selling sandwiches. For some reason I felt like I couldn't eat them and the people all acted like they knew me, but even in the dream they seemed... off. Like my brain was arguing between whether I knew them or not.

Then the scenery changed again.

This is when it becomes more like the dream normally is.

I was watching a scene, although I wasn't in it. One of the girls who had been sitting around the table was in this large metal human shaped suit. Kind of like a power suit, but obviously made for underwater exploration and she was heading toward something. It looked like a large pink fleshy area with a closed up black oval in the center. Almost like a dull opal.

There were people talking to her. I knew they were on a ship up above. They were asking her if she was sure she could seal it. She proclaimed that she was certain and seemed irritated with their questioning her.

The hand of the suit moved out and it put its palm ontop of the dull opal, or obsidian oval, but it opened up. I remember her screaming as she saw a human face there. I can't remember the face very well, but that's normal. It is a dream after all, and it was mostly covered by her hand. For some reason I could see her hand inside the suit, and it was over the metal fingers that were covering the face. I remember the face had green eyes, or at least the left one was green--as that it was the only one I could 'see' from my vantage point, and it looked angry. The thing shifted, and my vantage point moved out.

I could see that it was some sort of large aquatic beast, that was like an elongated oval on the end opposite the face, which flattened out into a large flipper. On the other was some kind of three pronged mouth or oriface that was open to reveal the face. The oriface closed, and tore into the metal of the woman's suit. I'm not sure whether it took off her arm but she was screaming, and trying to get away. She managed to pull out and was swimming away but the creature was chasing her back toward the surface.

Then the scenery changed one more time.

This time I was there again, and I was walking alongside a different woman. She was blonde and wore a black pvc coat with a skirt and a pair of calf high boots. I remember her face was beautiful, but I don't remember the specifics. We were talking, and, though there were no specifics to the conversation, I understood that we were talking about the creatures.

We walked into this little cafe on the side of a the main street--it was obvious to me that it was the main street even though everything was small. It was obviously a small town, it had a home-y feel to it. Almost like something you'd see in one of those movies where the protagonists are travelling around. It was apparently a coastal town, too, as that I knew her voice was one of the voices from before talking to the girl in the water.

I remember something about how they escaped from something down there and took on human form. I don't remember what they were trying to do, or even why they were evil. None of that was really revealed in the dream. I just knew they were.

Then my dream scape leaped again and I was standing back in the office at work next to that table where I had been before. I was still being offered the sandwiches from the girl who had been running away before, but when I was looking at her I caught a glimpse of some kind of beast.

Then my alarm went off and I woke up.

I only post this because I find the bar wench to be amusing.

2005-12-14T21:44:17Z

Your LiveJournal RPG by kitkat_nap

Username

You Wear

You

Can summon cute fuzzy bunnies

Axe Wielding Warrior with Flowy Locks

blushingsaphire

Naked Elvan Mistress with Pearly Skin

starlitsyaoran

Snide Thief with a Fear of Clocks

pain_eternal

Wizard with Burning Eyes & a Velvet Touch

drtenge

Bare-chested MidBoss with Calves of Steel

incubine

Busty Bar Wench who has ALL the Right Moves

celesjessa

A Dark Swordsman with no Equal

_jamanda_

Number of Enemies Defeated

Chances of Party Surviving: 96%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Because honesty is important.

2005-12-13T06:52:53Z

I may have lied my ass off in the first letter to Santa (see Ari's livejournal), but this time I'm being honest. Obviously honesty does not pay.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Wednesday I committed genocide... Sorry about that, pain_eternal (-5000 points). Last month I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Last week I punched batgirl39 in the arm (-10 points). In July jess and I robbed a bank (-50 points). In February I bought porn for funka_genocide (10 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5126 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!

Sincerely,
krylo

krylo @ 2005-05-05T02:30:00

2005-05-05T07:30:32Z

Damnit, Ren. It's over. Stop that day dreaming shit. Seriously.

Kind of an update, in the loosest sense of the word.

2005-04-12T07:14:30Z

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Poise	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Leadership	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Provocativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Self-Disclosure	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Talkativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Group Attachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	45%
Understanding	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Pleasantness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Tenderness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Nurturance	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	59%
Conscientiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Efficiency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Purposefulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Organization	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Rationality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	14%
Planning	\|\|\|	10%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Happiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Moderation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Toughness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Impulse Control	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Imperturbability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Cool-headedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Tranquility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Ingenuity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Reflection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Quickness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Creativity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Depth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	68%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	26%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	30%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	46%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	74%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	62%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	66%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	50%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	30%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	22%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	70%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	74%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	46%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	66%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	66%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	54%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	50%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	50%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	62%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	38%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	22%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	34%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	26%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	78%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	34%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	50%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	14%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	10%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	90%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	78%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	86%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	54%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	90%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	70%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	66%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	66%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	34%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	86%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	66%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	50%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	78%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	78%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	62%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	70%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	66%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	62%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I Love Diet Vanilla Coke.

2005-03-23T06:25:49Z

I love Diet Vanilla Coke. Now, to me, love isn't a word that you just throw around. It means something. It's important. It's holy, and it's sacred, and it shouldn't be used unless you can, honestly, say that you care about something with all your heart.

Saying that you love something without meaning it is sacrilege of the highest order. It's blasphemy against humanity and against our own very souls. It is one of the darkest and most vile things that someone can do. It's a lie of the highest order.

And, yet, I can say that I love Diet Vanilla Coke without feeling, in the least, hypocritical.

Allow me to explain:

I had a discussion last night with a friend of mine about love, misfortune, and heartbreak. Her stance was that losing and feeling pain weren't neccessary. That they only hurt and served no higher purpose. Mine was that the pain of losing only helps to accentuate the joy of having. I don't think I explained myself well enough then, but I'm going to try to now.

I was in love. Fully and purely and completely. I still am. I still love Ren and I think I always will, even if the feeling isn't truly returned. When I think of her, even now, I get that sad smile upon my face and I can feel the tears choking up in my throat, just moments away from bursting through and rushing down my cheeks in rivulets.

Rick, you've seen that. You've seen the look on my face that I get. You've seen the tears just barely kept back behind my eyes and the weak smile, and, Pixi, you've noticed the change in my voice when I talk about her. The weakness. The strain as I try to articulate my words around the lump of broken heart in my throat. You've both seen me at my most vulnerable.

But that pain is, firstly, a pain of loss. And, I explained this well enough on the phone, but for the benefit of my readers who weren't there, I'm going to explain it again. I do believe, however, that the best way I ever worded it was in a reply to Phil's journal, so I'm going to quote that reply here.

"Most of all, though, you're forgetting that the reason you feel this way is because you're losing something beautiful, and in order to lose something beautiful you have to have HAD something beautiful.

The very fact that you ever had that should be enough to pull you through. It should be enough to make you smile because life is wonderful. The existence of something that pure and wonderful, even if it has be to be lost eventually, makes life beautiful. If it wasn't that pure and wonderful, enough so to make life worth living, then you've no excuse to be so distraught over it.

I've been through feelings of loss. I saw the woman I love with a different last name. The last name of a different man.

That tears me apart in some ways... but in others, I know that the reason I feel that way is because I lost part of a connection. An important part. A part that was so incredibly stunning and wonderful and beautiful that it took the life of a pathetic little teenage boy on the verge of suicide and doused it in light. So beautiful that it gave me a reason to be.

Any world with beauty like that, no matter how fleeting, is worth experiencing."

I believe that. Every word of it with my full heart and soul. Fleeting beauty is still beauty. It's still pure for that moment, and it's still there in its entirety for a little while. It was still beautiful, and there is, at this very moment, something else just as beautiful in the world. Maybe not for you, but for someone else... and the world itself is beautiful because of it.

It's more than just a reminder of the beauty of life, though. It's a reminder that all things in life, and even life itself, are fleeting. That nothing lasts forever and that you have to cherish every second of your life because you'll never get it back. No matter how bad your life seems, you're still alive. You're still here. You can still feel pleasure and pain. You're still experiencing the beauty of humanity. Cherish it.

Cherish everything about it. Even the most stupid, silly, and mundane things. Cherish your co-worker's bitching. Cherish that 80 year old woman's green hair. Cherish Diet Vanilla Coke.

I try my damnedest to do that. I try, and, on those occassions that I succeed, I love Diet Vanilla Coke.

Rar

2005-03-22T08:12:32Z

Today was really fun.

I got out of bed Really late, because I rock.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so angry. Paul is grounded. AGAIN! And I'm not allowed to see him. EVER. It's just NOT FAIR. I hate my mom and I wish she was dead. This wouldn't happen if I was allowed to live with dad.

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world that I'm gay.

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my cock.

I want to say thanks to simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you what your favourite sexual position is.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
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Survey Stolen from Rick

2005-03-21T10:27:59Z

(y) snuck out of the house
(n) gotten lost in your city
(y) saw a shooting star
(n) been to any other countries besides the united states
(y) had a serious surgery-Does getting your appendix removed count?
(n) gone out in public in your pajamas-I don't have pajamas so much as I sleep either in my street clothes or naked. I've gone out both naked AND in street clothes before, though... huh.
(n) kissed a stranger
(n) hugged a stranger
(y) been in a fist fight
(n) been arrested
(n) done drugs
(n) had alcohol
(n) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(n) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(n) made out in an elevator
(n) slept in an elevator
(y) swore at your parents
(y) kicked a guy where it hurts
(y) been in love
(y) been close to love
(n) been to a casino
(n) been skydiving
(y) broken a bone
(n) been high
(y) skinny-dipped
(y) skipped school classes
(y) flashed someone
(n) saw a therapist
(n) done the splits
(y) played spin the bottle
(y) gotten stitches
(y) had an IV
(n) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(y) bitten someone
(n) been to Niagara Falls
(y) gotten the chicken pox
(y) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(y) kissed a member of the same sex
(n) crashed into a friend's car
(n) been to Japan
(n) ridden in a taxi
(y) been dumped
(n) shoplifted
(n) been fired
(y) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(y) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(n) stole something from your job (a candy bar, but I eventually put money in the till for it. Woo.)
(n) gone on a blind date
(y) lied to a friend
(n) had a crush on a teacher - but I HAVE kinda wanted to fuck one, before.
(n) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(n) been to Europe
(n) slept with a co-worker
(n) been married
(n) gotten divorced
(n) had children
(n) saw someone die
(n) been to Africa
(y) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(n) Been to Canada
(n) Been to Mexico
(y) Been on a plane
(y) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(n) Thrown up in a bar
(n) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(y) Eaten Sushi
(n) Been snowboarding
(y) Met someone in person from the internet
(n) Been moshing at a rock show
(y) Cut yourself on purpose - I've never cut as in, the "I cut myself to relieve the pain." I was actually on the verge of suicide and didn't stop myself until after I had already made a small knick in my wrist.
(n) Been to a moto cross show
(n) lost a child - How could I lose a child if I've never had one? Stupid question.
(n) gone to college
(n) graduated college
(n) done hard drugs
(y) tried killing yourself - I kind of explained that above. Not sure if it counts when you stop yourself, but whatever.
(y) taken painkillers
(n) love someone or miss someone right now - Miss... yes. I don't think I love anyone, though. There's a few people I could very easily grow to love, and I know this... but not right now. At least not in the way this question means it.

P.S. No. I'm not on WoW, Josh. Doubt I ever will be. I'm not big on MMORPGs, and certainly don't feel like adding another bill to my already impressive monthly list.

I am a man without skin. Everything that I see seems to touch me.

2004-12-25T02:21:11Z

Sometimes opening your heart isn't enough. Sometimes you have to pick it up and smash into the floor and then watch the pieces scatter. Sometimes it takes going to the extreme to really let the light in, but the light is beautiful.

I was broken. Maybe I still am. I don't know, and, quite frankly, I don't care. All I know is that everything touches me now. It was my choice to leave myself vulnerable instead of closing back up like I have in the past. The pain of loss opened me up. Wide up. Wider than I ever could be, even when I was in love.

I had a grimy window that was closed before her, and she was able to force it halfway open. The light was warm, and it was beautiful, and it was my reason for living. It was still dim here, though. It was still filtered through my own emotional blocks, designed to keep the pain away.

All of that armor. That steel plating around my emotions, it was all destroyed easily when it was over. That grimy window shattered underneath the force of a storm, letting the wind, and cold, and hail all blow in unabated. It was horrible, but it was real and unfiltered. And I decided that I didn't want to fix that window, to repair the armor around my soul. I was going to stay unfiltered.

The thing about a storm, you see, is that it always passes, and lets the sun rise again. Only, this time, as the light streamed in through the storm clouds, the window and house had been ripped apart, and I was left alone looking at the sun light streaming through the clouds for the first time.

Through the trials of my broken heart I was liberated from my baggage. I was shocked out of my shell, and brought back to the world as it was when I was a child. It may not be as new, now, but it's just as bright... even if I no longer have protection from the darkness. I'm more than willing to accept the pain of living in all of its unabated fury for the exchange of feeling all the beauty and joy.

I laugh now. I laugh without reason. I just look around and smile. I'm alive. I've survived this and come out better. And that's reason enough.

So... I'm better now. Much better than I even was before.